Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
