Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
