We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
