I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
