Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
