We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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