my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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