hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
