even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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