the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
