I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
