Where did you get a picture of my penis
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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