It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
