She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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