Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
