I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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