I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
bring money and cleavage
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
