woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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