Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
