Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
