dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
