girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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