He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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