Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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