I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
