conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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