We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
this boner is exhausting
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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