At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
