I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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