I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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