singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
