weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
