ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
