you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
