either way he was missing a nipple.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
