I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
