Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm having to shit out rocks
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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