I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
