Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
