My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
