I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
