his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
