it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
