he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
