i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
