I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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