I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
