i jhust puked up my retainher.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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