When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize