So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
