Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
