I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
