dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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