May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
