Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
