No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hippo gnu deer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
