I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dear god my vagina.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
