Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We have so much sex to catch up on
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
