okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize