There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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