I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
