ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
