I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
