well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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