My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize