omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
