i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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