I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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