i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just made my gag reflex go away.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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