allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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