Where is the hickey?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
