I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
