When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
