John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
