Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
