I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize