Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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