and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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